Templates

I decided to change the look of the blag, mostly because I felt bored with the simple blue. Unfortunately, Blogspot provides few templates, and quite honestly, most of them are shit.

Okay, only a couple of them are utter shit, but the vast majority isn't geared towards my style (awesome asskickery) as it is towards douchebags (bright colors, girly swirls, and lots of circles because sharp objects are mean). There are only a couple good ones, but they don't go with the feel of the blag or they are too simple to the point of being ugly.

So I was stuck with a couple of choices.

A. I could forget about it, suck it up, and keep the current template.
B. I could suck it up and pick another template from Blogspot.
C. I could give the finger to Blogspot, head out into the Interwebs, and look for a template.
D. I could make my own template.


Seeing as how I'm a dick and also a lazy bastard, only option C made sense.

Turns out, that may not have been the best idea. Apparently, the Interweb, much like Blogspot, caters to the douchebag in all of us. I found templates dealing with too specific subjects, like horses, cars, butterflies, flowers, rain, computers, videogame consoles, Constantinople... I even found one with an apple. Just an random fucking apple out of nowhere. I know when people design these templates they are being "artsy" and "creative," but when people actually use these things they come off as "douchebags" and "pricks." Some might say "fucking fairies," but I'm not a mean person, you fucking fairies.

There were also several templates that deviated from the tried and true formula of two/three colums for posts/archives/about. They advertised their templates as being "new" and "reinvented." Reinvented is apparently designer-speak for "barely functional." I couldn't find a fucking thing. Sometimes, the archives were at the fucking bottom of the page, where it least made sense. "Hey, I need to find a single post, but I can't find the archives! Goddamnit, I'll just look manually... What the fuck? The archives are the very bottom of the page. Thanks, assholes."

Apart from being utter shit in the practical realm, they're also not very aesthetically pleasing (they also look like shit, making them the proverbial Wildebeast: ugly outside and inside).

There were a few clever ones, like the one that imitated the look of the iPhone. I thought about picking it up, but I decided not to because I don't really describe myself as a "pompous ass."

And of course, there were templates dedicated to the emos. The vast majority is probably crying on their LiveJournals, MySpace, or Xanga, but there are bound to be some that are in Blogspot. Those crybaby bastards. Anyways, the templates featured the always popular guy (or girl, I can't fucking tell) with long emo hair doing a pistol with his (her?) hand to his temple, a picture of the full moon for the vampire emo prick subspecies, and titles such as "Lonelyness" and "Nobody Loves Me," which isn't all that surprising seeing as how everybody hates emos. Hey idiots, nobody likes you because you are emo. What you're doing is referred to in the latest scientific research as a "self-fulfilling prophecy" and also "fucking gay."

However, this was by far the most unsettling of the templates I saw. (I don't have a bigger image, thank whatever god you believe in)



Seriously, who the fuck would use that!? And it actually had like 82 downloads. Protip to everyone who downloaded that: Just go ahead and register yourselves as sex offenders before anything happens.

Also, wear some article of clothing that distinguishes you, so that I can throw heavy objects at you because you're not people (fucking fairies).