Holy shit, the damn slacker is posting something!

If you thought that, fuck you too. I just moved into my dorm a week ago, and the week has been so thoroughly scheduled, I'm surprised I haven't seen this on it:

Friday, 11:15 - Pour liquid happiness into shot glass
Friday, 11:16 - Drink the shot
Friday, 11:20 - Drink second shot of the night
Friday, 11:25 - Drink third shot, making a remark that it "isn't strong enough for you"
Friday, 11:28 - After being convinced by friends and sheer bravado, down shots 4-afuckton in quick succession
Friday, 11:29 - Expel liquid happiness in the form of violent projectile vomiting.
Friday, 11:40 - Apologize to trashcan.


No, really, this shit is insane. There's like 10 minute breaks in between bullshit, but I've avoided some of it. Like the First Year Convocation. Which, incidentally, sounds kind of mandatory, but how the fuck would I know? I wasn't there.

So, I'm going to keep this update a bit short (Yeah right) because there's other things to do. But I will nonetheless provide with a short version of funny things that have happened this week.


Monday evening picnic.

Holy fucking shit. I sat around with some of the dullest people ever. It was fucking uncanny. I tried pushing conversation a couple of times (and, to the credit of some of the people who subsequently joined us, so did they), but holy damn. After a while of awkward, uncomfortable silence, I piped in with my lighthearted, superfungoodtimes humor.

NeoAegis> So... how 'bout dem apples?
DullestIdiotEver> Uhh... there aren't any apples here...
NeoAegis> (under my breath) Holy fucking shit, I want to throttle you.

How fucking stupid does someone have to be to not notice the BLATANT sarcasm? Does he think I have no eyes or such shitty observational skills that I can't fucking tell there aren't any fucking apples in the vicinity? Dear christ.

Thursday information session.

The guys in charge of the information session look sullen and as if they have a better place to be. Not a single person out of the the 10 or so people smile. Not for a second. Just no.

Here's the kicker: the information session? It was about student involvement.

Thursday Tour.

NeoAegis is like a kid in a candy store when touring the physics lab, makes a quip about picking up chicks with the physics demonstrations. People take it seriously, I rue humanity.

Friday "comedian."

Oh. My. God.
The guy was the most offensive, tasteless, borderline racist douchebag. This is coming from a guy whose jokes are tasteless, offensive, and sometimes racist.

I... I really just can't qualify my statement properly because my mind is trying so very hard to block out all memory of those misspent hours. Suffice it to say that, even disregarding all the tasteless, offensive stuff, he sucked just from sheer principle. I know it's okay for comedians to draw a joke from way back when they started their act, but this guy used the same joke twice in a span of five minutes. Not even a permutation of it; it was essentially the same thing. Verbatim. How badly can you suck at your job?

This is it for now, tune in again when I give a shit.