Everyone knows there are stupid things on Tv. I mean, look at Jackass, or any "reality" tv show. Who the fuck wants to watch reality tv anyways? You can go outside and actually experience reality, and one that, quite frankly, has a bigger probability of being entertaining. If you're one of the people who has to live vicariously through reality tv, you're probably better off killing yourself. Or at the very least cut off your testicles so there's no chance of your boring, stupid spawn plaguing the earth.
Speaking of the Earth, some dipshit scientist was talking about it the other day in some discovery channel. Can't be arsed to remember which one. Anyways, Dipshit Scientist was talking about that comic idea of being able to dig a hole and popping out of the ground in China. He was saying all these things about how cool that would be, and how great a method of transport it would be since you'd spend no energy in getting to the other side of the Earth, just let gravity take care of it!
What?
I understand he's talking about this fancifully, but that's a fucking retarded idea because, even if the trans-earth hole was feasible, it wouldn't work like that. Gravity would indeed help as you're falling, but then you would fucking stop when you reached the center of the earth. Then gravity would be a hindrance, and your idea just looks a hell of a lot more stupid. And then you need to actually spend energy be to able to beat gravity and make it to the other side, unless of course you enjoy spending the rest of your days in the Earth's molten core. Dipshits.
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The other night I was watching tv late at night. Whoever watches tv into one in the morning or so knows that you start seeing all these ads as you're slowly inching towards informercial time. You see all these commercials for talking to women, talking to men, making your unit bigger, etcetera.
This one commercial featured some stupid slut talking about testosterone and male performance in bed. Then, a graph was superimposed which was supposed to show how lower testosterone meant lower performance in bed. Unfortunately, their graphics guys can't tell Photoshop from their asshole and mucked up the graph. It was a simple inversely proportional graph, and they had the decreasing area marked as "Testosterone" while the "blank" area that got bigger was marked "Performance." I know what they were trying to say, but it is still a fucking stupid mistake to make. Way to go, morons.
June 22, 2008
Stupidity on cable 1
June 20, 2008
"Welcome to the movie theater"
Hey, it's been a bit of a hiatus, hasn't it? Well, I've got a neat computer now, so the strike is officially over. I also just got back from seeing Get Smart, which was a pretty good movie, but enough of the trivialties.
I like movies. I'm not a film buff, but I know what I like. I like the theater atmosphere, the dim lights, big screen, decently comfortable seats. I'm fortunately also enough of a egocentric dick to not bother looking around the theater to see all the prepubescent morons making out. It's not that I don't understand the hormonal impulse, but goddamn, dim lights isn't enough to make a theater sexy. What about all the fucking gum and trash on the floor? Come on, people.
Anyways, despite being able to ignore the idiots, there is something that is far more difficult to ignore: the ads.
Why the fuck are there ads in a theater? Don't we get enough of this shit on tv? Radio? On every possible outlet until our brains explode from the sheer volume of trash they are pushing on us?
To be quite frank, I wouldn't nearly mind the ads as much if they were at least entertaining. But they were cliche and unfunny and comparable to a horse's runny shits.
The worst offender was, by far, the cellphone ads. There was one that had the format of a mock movie preview, with some blonde bitch. She was all bitchy because she couldn't figure out what fucking song was playing. She keeps asking all these dipshits what song is currently playing, but they are stuck too far up their own asses to know shit (one even proposed to her; seriously, who would even be able to go out with whoreface without being sucked into her vacuous skull due to pressure difference?).
Finally, she comes across this black guy who has a cellphone with HOLY SHIT MUSIC ID. She figures out the song is by fucking Paramour, and then she re-does all her scenes, except she's dancing like a fucking psycho bitch.
Then there was an ad (again in mock movie preview format because it's so creative and not at all lame) which, quite frankly, earned some points just for being honest. First thing, your balls are treated to superimposed text saying "NO PLOT." No shit? It's a fucking cellphone ad, whatever plot you have can be summed up as "We're greedy assholes." It even announces that it's just some lame product placement. I really wasn't sure if they were making fun of themselves, but I'm going to do it too anyways because they were still pissing me off.
The worst cellphone ad has a bunch of dipshits that walk around in an "everyday" setting using all the "neat" and "innovative" features of their cellphones. They show off a bunch of shit, most of which I can't be bothered to remember. However, I remember one being some dipshit watching a movie on his cellphone, which is fucking ridiculous, because who wants to watch a movie in teeny-weeny eye-strain-o vision. Whatever, that wasn't the bad part of the ad, despite how irritating it is by itself. No, the real clincher here is when, just after that ad, they replay basically the same thing, except without all the bullshit. They go through all the features of the fucking phone in the same fucking order like their target demographic is a bunch of mouthbreathing morons who can't remember what happened just one fucking minute ago. Fucking incredible.
I'm going to stop now because I think I'm having an aneurysm.